Lucas was born 4/1/14 and a perfect 5lb 7oz. It was a perfect birth, and perfectly ignorant of what’s to come. All of a sudden nurses became quiet but no one said anything. He looked just like all infants, a squished potato. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The morning of our discharge, Lucas was taken to the nursery for a checkup. We were told Lucas was at the NICU. Apparently, he had some problems breathing correctly so they connected him to a tube- nothing serious. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The doctor turns around walks over and says in the most solemn voice I have ever known, “I’m so sorry, your son has Down syndrome. I’m so sorry”. Then he just left as if nothing happened. My son’s life was over. How long does he have? Will he play soccer? Will he be able to attend school? Will he smile? Will I ever hear I love you? Will kids make fun of him? ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
That day was a blur, disgusting blur. The next morning driving to the NICU, eyes bloodshot, stomach empty and full at the same time, I opened Instagram. I searched #downsyndrome. In front of my eyes popped up hundreds of smiling beautiful babies, children and people with downs. I heard the doctor in my head “I’m so sorry” and I look at these faces, they don’t look “sorry.” Peace flooded my heart. I searched more. Joy, love, smiles, kindness, compassion is what I saw. I didn’t see “sorry.” I ran into the NICU held my baby as tight as I could and I knew it would okay. I saw my baby as a beautiful human again, not a “sorry” vegetable. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Lucas will be 4 in April. He knows the alphabet, he counts, loves books and mostly music. He has taste buds of a sophisticated world traveler. He’s happy, sad, surprised, angry, funny, kind, sympathetic, empathetic, bored, amused and everything in between when appropriate. He is a dream I never thought I had.

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