Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Amelia. I carried her body as part of mine for 9 months, knowing that as long as she was inside of me, she was safe. In the last 4 months of pregnancy, I found out she would die shortly after birth. She was born to our family on August 27, with lots of blonde hair and wide, strong shoulders. She mewed like a kitten and was the bravest, most beautiful spirit I’ve ever met. God gave us 2½ beautiful, peaceful days with her before she died in our arms at home. I’ve never felt heaven so close, but after she died I slipped into a dark place and I’m still finding my way out. I’m still healing, and would give anything to hold her one more time. ❤️

But one thing I’ve been learning in the past few years is that YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. They’re real and valid! So today I’m feeling all the feelings for my birthday girl. Sadness, longing, gratitude, joy. Hugging all three kiddos in our home extra tight, and honoring our sweet Amelia by serving God the best we know how. Who would have guessed that six years later I’d be standing here with another Mama’s baby on my hip, like it’s the most normal thing ever? 😜 Grief and karma are funny like that, and so, I have learned, is God. Happy 6th birthday, Amelia. ❤️

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